Am I a Perfectionist?
You're always striving to be perfect or to appear perfect. You are highly self critical and beat yourself up, feeling ashamed when you make a mistake. Perhaps you have a rigid set of rules that feel like you must live by in order to be a worthwhile person. Whenever been second place or just missed out on a job promotion to a more experienced candidate, you still feel like you are a complete failure. If this sounds like you, then you may fit the definition of a perfectionist.
How does Perfectionism Show up in our Lives?
- Restricted eating and/or anorexia or orthorexia
- Procrastinating on tasks because of the fear of not being able to do it perfectly
- Over focusing on outcomes and end goals instead of process
- Taking a longer time than expected to finish tasks because you are trying to do it perfectly
- Depressed mood due to the high self criticism
- Anxiety due to the constant self doubt and worry about being good enough
- Over achieving at work or school, resulting in burn out
- People pleasing- you have difficulty setting boundaries and saying no or over committing yourself to things
- Constantly beating yourself up or blaming yourself for things don’t go as expected
- Setting expectations of others that are too high in relationships or friendships
Is it Bad to be a Perfectionist?
Perfectionism isn’t always unhealthy. It can help you to be ambitious, strive to improve yourself, and make you very focused and goal directed. Some of the most successful people are perfectionists for this reason. But, if perfectionism is affecting your mental health, causing you to feel down on yourself, or interfering in your life tasks or your relationships, then it can become unhealthy.
Three Ways to Cope with Perfectionism
- Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Instead of focusing on outcomes, try looking back on where you started and where you are today with the particular task you are working on. Notice how far you have come, not how far you have left to go. Think deeply about all the steps you have taken to get this far, and give yourself some credit for the hard work you’ve put in so far. For example, imagine if you were to go on a long walk along the beach. If we only look ahead, we only see how far the beach still stretches on for. Now imagine yourself stopping on the beach where you are, and taking some time to look back to where you started. When you do this, you are able to see exactly how far you have managed to walk. You likely wouldn’t have noticed this if you only kept your gaze forward facing.
- Notice Your Thoughts: next time you feel a wave of self criticism coming on, try to notice the thoughts going through your head. Chances are, when your perfectionism is activated, you will also be having thoughts that relate to failure. Once you are aware of your self critical thoughts, ask yourself whether this thought is actually an established fact, or simply an assumption you are making about yourself.
- Develop a Self Compassionate Voice: people who struggle with perfectionism tend to have a very loud self critical voice, and struggle with offering themselves kindness and compassion. As strange as it may feel for you to do this, try to gently speak to yourself as you would a close friend or family member. Try this as an experiment for two weeks and notice how you feel about yourself at the end of this time period.
If you’ve tried to manage your perfectionism by yourself but it’s still overwhelming you or causing you to feel depressed or anxious, it may be time to seek out professional help from a clinical psychologist. You can email your inquiry by using the contact form on the website to see if I may be the right psychologist to help you.
