Why You Can’t "Just Relax": Understanding the Anxiety of Being Always On
On the surface, everything looks fine. In fact, it might look better than fine. You’re meeting your deadlines at work or university. You show up for your family. You’re the responsible one, the organiser, the high-achiever. To the outside world, you are coping brilliantly.
But internally, it’s a different story.
Many of the clients I see in my practice—from final-year students facing exams to CEOs managing teams, and even recently retired professionals—share a common, exhausting secret: they have forgotten how to stop. If you find that "downtime" makes you agitated, or that your mind races the moment your head hits the pillow, you are not alone. And more importantly, you are not broken. You are likely stuck in a cycle of high-functioning anxiety.
The Trap of the "Human Doing"
We live in a culture that glorifies busyness. We wear exhaustion like a badge of honour. For many people with anxiety, keeping busy is a coping mechanism. If you are moving fast enough, the difficult thoughts and feelings can't catch up with you.
The problem is that your nervous system wasn't designed to be "on" 24/7.
When anxiety is your fuel source, you are constantly running on adrenaline and cortisol. You might feel a "buzz" of productivity during the day, but this is often followed by a crash in the evening—a crash that paradoxically doesn't lead to sleep, but rather to a tired-but-wired state of rumination.
Signs Your "Productivity" is Actually Anxiety
Does any of this sound familiar?
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The "Off Switch" is Broken: You sit down to watch a film, but you’re scrolling your phone, checking emails, or mentally writing tomorrow’s to-do list. True rest feels lazy or dangerous.
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Procrastination followed by Panic: You delay tasks until the anxiety of not doing them becomes greater than the anxiety of doing them, leading to intense bursts of stressful work.
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Physical signals: You notice jaw clenching (TMJ), shallow breathing, tension headaches, or digestive issues that flare up during the week.
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Irritability: You snap at loved ones when they interrupt your "flow" or when they seem too relaxed.
Whether you are striving for a first-class degree, chasing a promotion, or trying to fill the sudden quiet of retirement with endless tasks, the underlying mechanism is the same: an inability to tolerate stillness.
Why "Just Relaxing" Doesn't Work
Well-meaning friends might tell you to "take a bath" or "just chill out." But when your nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight mode, trying to relax can actually feel unsafe to your brain. The silence gets too loud.
This is where professional therapy makes the difference.
As an anxiety specialist, I don't just tell you to breathe deeply. We work together to understand why your alarm system is stuck in the "on" position. We look at the beliefs driving your need to be constantly productive—perhaps a fear of failure, a need for control, or a belief that your worth is tied to your output.
Therapy provides a confidential space to take the mask off. We use evidence-based tools (such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to help you:
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Recognise the early physical signs of an anxiety spiral.
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Challenge the thought patterns that keep you on the hamster wheel.
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Safely retrain your nervous system to tolerate rest without guilt.
Reclaiming Your Capacity for Calm
You don't have to sacrifice your ambition or your conscientiousness to get rid of anxiety. The goal isn't to stop achieving; the goal is to achieve things sustainably, without burning out your engine.
Imagine finishing a day’s work or study and actually being able to leave it at the door. Imagine waking up refreshed instead of immediately overwhelmed.
If you are tired of being "tired but wired," it is time to try a different approach. You don't have to wait on a long list to get started.
Are you ready to break the cycle of high-functioning anxiety?
I offer specialised therapy for individuals who are ready to invest in their long-term mental well-being. Contact me today to book an initial consultation, and let’s start the process of helping you find genuine calm alongside your success.
